Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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