I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
