He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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