how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
