I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
