sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
