just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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