Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
