My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
