Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
