She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
