glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize