Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
