Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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