He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
