Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
