Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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