i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
porn star boner night. come get it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
