We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
