I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
