Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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