she was so not down for the gang bang
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize