Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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