i just had sex bonerless
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
