Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
