We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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