3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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