FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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