you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
