There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
