why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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