I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
