hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize