you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
