onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
