Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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