Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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