Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
