so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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