I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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