Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
