Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
