He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
