imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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