I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
