chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
