People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
