Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
