Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
