What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
