my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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