she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
