also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
