If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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