just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
