we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
