What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
