So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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