worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
