My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
