I heard we made out
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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