I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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