i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
