Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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